Stronger than you think

Post 3/3

Last night I was up most of the night with Lydia. Her cough was terrible, and I kept praying and half-asleep praying that she would stop coughing so that she wouldn't be so miserable. 

I'm not sure what time it was when I hit my breaking point. Lydia was absolutely miserable, and I spoke my mind to the Lord, expressing that I knew the Lord could take away her sickness and there was no good reason for Him not to.

After a few more minutes I said that I wished that I had gotten sick instead of her so that she wouldn't be suffering, and immediately received an answer in my mind: "You said you couldn't handle anymore."

I paused. For months I have constantly voiced my inability to take on anymore trials, praying and praying that I would not get sick, not have any problems, and not have to deal with stressful issues. 

In that middle of the night moment I realized that I have been selfish and lazy, and I remembered my dad telling me many years ago, "You're stronger than you think you are."

I changed my prayer. 'Please help me to be strong...Please help Lydia to bear her burden...Please help us to be strong.'

I chanted it in both aloud and in my mind throughout the rest of the night. Yes, I was still up most of the night taking care of her, and yes, she continued to cough steadily, but she no longer cried miserably, and I no longer melodramatically bewailed the perils of my life. I praised her strength every time she needed help, and I prayed that it would continue, and it did. 

Morning came, and Lydia's bearing her sickness tolerably. I have a renewed sense of vigor I did not expect, and I'm going to chase that feeling and keep praying.

I can be strong.